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NEW JOURNAL!!! [09 Apr 2004|01:36am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | the faint ] There is absolutely nothing different about my new journal. I simply hate this user name! Add this sheeeit!!! squealnshakeit ♥ 11 get on the dancefloor with me!

Marc and I should bone...oh wait... [09 Apr 2004|12:31am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | DFAk2l3jio45u83990oeriujfgkl ] coolguymarc 63% itendstoday 36% arrogasm 34% samiflick 33% janelane529 27% peterd 26% ihatelemonjuice 25% shelleee 23% messenger__bird 22% thegreatdecay 22% frontporchkiss 20% triggertomemory 19% homo_slice 16% greaseisthewerd 15% freakishstars 11% chopsticks 11% How sexually compatible with me are you? Take the NEW sexual compatibility quiz at LJMatch! 10 get on the dancefloor with me!

Sara and I should get married... [09 Apr 2004|12:28am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Glass Candy ] frontporchkiss 102% shelleee 98% thegreatdecay 98% triggertomemory 98% homo_slice 97% keyboardfailure 95% thisballadsucks 95% xstaticluna 94% burnpianolsland 88% greaseisthewerd 87% lostromantics 87% allnightdinermm 87% ihatelemonjuice 85% chopsticks 85% thegreatdecay 85% arrogasm 84% rocky_raccoon 84% whenautumncried 84% waking0dream 80% triggertomemory 79% psuedokissed 76% samiflick 76% o_doctor_doctor 76% itendstoday 75% fairysprite 72% peterd 72% messenger__bird 72% coolguymarc 69% freakishstars 69% o_doctor_doctor 69% janelane529 61% bananarax 61% How compatible with me are YOU? 2 get on the dancefloor with me!

You better work bitch! [08 Apr 2004|05:22pm] [ mood | where?! ] [ music | Ru Paul - Supermodel ] Dolce & Gabbana. You just ooze sexuality and sin. You like to be the controlling one in a relationship, however it's even better if he controls you as well. A rocker-chick, your style is very harcore. You live to party and try to get in as much trouble as possible in the process. Which fashion designer are you? brought to you by Quizilla 2 get on the dancefloor with me!

A dedication... [08 Apr 2004|04:52pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | Le Tigre ] This post is dedicated to Cunty Marie. Cunty is my best friend and she's away right now visiting her boyfriend. We also hadn't been hanging out very much prior to her trip and I miss her a whole lot. . . I ♥ you Cunty!!!!! ♥ Cunty Nicole get on the dancefloor with me!

FUCK! [07 Apr 2004|08:46pm] [ mood | aggravated ] And now...I am going to bitch, because honestly, any sort of happiness that I could have felt due to todays events was completely shattered by my kiniving parents... As anyone who reads my journal would know...I am supposed to be leaving in 8 days to visit Marc... My tickets are bought, plans made... Well, today I was in an extremely good mood because I'm essentially done with hightschool. My dad is being extremely nice, and I think wow he's kind of proud of me. How very wrong I was... He comes in my room and says "By the way... Your mother and I chatted and we decided that you can't go to LA, but we would love to have him come here!!!" Whooooooaaaa what?!?! I just finished highschool and did spectacularly on my finals and am going to get good grades, and you're punishing me?!?!?! 1. They had promised to get off my ass once I finished highschool. She fucking promised me. 2. My mom always goes off on me about what a fucking idiot with a stick up his ass my dad is yet she is always oh so easily swayed by his little schemes... 3. They don't have any money. This means I don't get to go on any kind of "senior trip" or really do anything unless that money comes out of my pocket...HI!!! christmas money...1/3 of it went towards my already purchased train ticket... 4. Their reasons were so ridiculous!!! I tell them the simplest things trying to be honest and give them some idea of whats going on in my life, and they turn it around against me and slap me in the face! I am so fucking sick of this shit!!! I was so happy it was about to stop, and I am such an idiot for feeling that way and actually believing my mom would keep her word... She literally makes me sick. Anyways...it ends up that my dad is going to be in LA for a few of the days I'm going to be there for job interviews, and his "biggest concern is my safety" so I guess that if he's closer in distance that will affect my safety....um...ok...?!?! I can go up on the 26th, but I'm probably going to have to leave on the 29th, and my dad has to have dinner one evening with Marc and I so he can meet him. (how gay is that???) The thing is, this is still just as tortorous because I'm going to be on a fucking train with my father at a time when I should have no concept of reality due the the large amount of substances I'm on. Slash I still get to see Marc and everyone else, so it's better than nothing. I dunno... He also said "Marc can come back and stay here for a few days on the 29th," but Marc won't want to and well, no one has money to pay for his train ticket even if he does... I don't fucking know what I'm going to do!!! 13 get on the dancefloor with me!

Oh my good Lord of the Rings!!! [07 Apr 2004|08:00pm] [ mood | enthralled ] [ music | Silence, for my house is empty for once... ] I was left in awe tonight after sitting for three hours that flew by like minutes, as I viewed Return of the King... I laughed... I cried tears of sorrow... I cried tears of joy... Now I want to go on an adventure... So often I wish the world could be like a middle earth. And I wish I could be a Frodo Baggins... And that I could simply gather my necessities and run away to a far off land filled with magic, and things I never dreamed I could ever encounter... Sigh... And then I realize I am still here... And that the world could never be so... ♥ 8 get on the dancefloor with me!

IT'S OVER!!!! [07 Apr 2004|12:43pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | the faint ] OMG I'm done with high school!!! I'm so relieved! omg I feel so accomplished! isidjfklsajdfkjsdjaiosjfdfkjslkdjfakljsdkfjsdkjfkjsdfkjsdlkjfklasdjflkjdkfjdksljalkdjsfklajds NO SCHOOL FOR 9 MONTHS!!!! HAHAHAHAHA That sounds like I'm pregnate!!! I'm so happy. ♥ 14 get on the dancefloor with me!

I'M TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL!!! NO SERIOUSLY!!!! [06 Apr 2004|07:39pm] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | I don't have to go to school!!!! ] OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!! I'm not allowed to go to school next semester!!!! I'm so happy!!!! If I go to school I'll have too many college credits to be accepted as a first time freshman!!! That's the best news I've heard ALL YEAR!!!! jfkajdskljfalskdjflkjsdakjkldjalksj 9 get on the dancefloor with me!

[06 Apr 2004|06:57pm] um.... did that just happen??? I decided against going to see LORD OF THE RINGS Return of the King, the movie I've been counting the days until, the movie I want nothing more than to see. I decided against going to the movie to study, and my fucking mom had the nerve to yell at me and then tell me I couldn't go back to her house?!?!?! Did I do something wrong here???? Hello! Which do you think I'd rather be doing.... I'm annoyed... 2 get on the dancefloor with me!

YAY!!! [06 Apr 2004|02:02pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | the fucking retarded speaker in the library is pissing meoff ] 6 hours until I see Return of the King!!!!! jdkfajl;sdjfakdjs 1 more day and I'm practically done with high school 8 days until christmas!!! oh shit... I don't care about christmas!!! just give me money!!! :D 9 days until I see Marcy Marc (and others....♥)!!!! and to top it all off...I'm getting a fucking brother!! wtf?!?! that's not cool!! Yeah my mother is becoming my cousin's legal guardian. It's not that I don't support her or him, and it's not that I'm being selfish... I just really don't know how to react at this point. We don't have room at my moms, so I'm probably going to have to live with my dad, until she gets a bigger place. I can't share a room with my 15-year-old cousin. That will drive me insane. My room is so small and crowded as it is!!! And 3 people in one fucking bathroom?!?!?! kdjakjdskja I'm sad. I really am. As much as I bitch, I love it at my moms. I'm sad my aunt is crazy and that the situation has come to the point where my mom has to do this. She finally raised her own child, and now she has to do it again with someone else's. My mom doesn't deserve that. She's worked too hard to get to this point in her life. 9 get on the dancefloor with me!

[04 Apr 2004|10:46pm] [ mood | excited ] I just bought my train tickets!!!!♥ 4 get on the dancefloor with me!

[04 Apr 2004|10:45pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Little Shop ] Wow...someone across the world just made me feel a whole lot better about someone 300 miles away. New venting buddies are always good... Fiddler is FINALLY over. I can't express my relief. I got off stage after bows and I was so happy that all I could say was "I'm so happy!!!" I have finals. I'm not that worried. Well, maybe a little about espanol, but not the other two... 12 days until I leave for LA! That seems so long. I can't wait to get away from here, even for a week. I'm finishing high school and I need to get away, and see people that I miss a lot.... I get to buy new clothes soon!!! I live for this!! I havent been clothes shopping in months. This is not normal for me, at all! I'm off to study! ♥ 9 get on the dancefloor with me!

I always wanted to know!!!! [01 Apr 2004|11:31pm] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | Britney ] WOW! What a suprise! You're an "Elite Queer." Everyone knows you, you're beautiful, always in style, mommy and daddy buy you everything, And the most popular in the gay scene What kind of queer are you? brought to you by Quizilla 3 get on the dancefloor with me!

[01 Apr 2004|01:14am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Tommy... ] I hate seeing people and expecting them to be happy to see you, and then realizing you've totally broken all connections with them, because you've chosen to be this solitary person despite the fact that you hate being alone. Then there's the others who don't even look you in the eye, and make things a lot more awkward than they have to be...I'm thoroughly disappointed with tonight. My new medication makes me so sad... ♥ P.S. My butt was so much cuter in Tommy when it was muscular... 11 get on the dancefloor with me!

[30 Mar 2004|11:25pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | rilo kiley ] I was going to write about my panic attack and depression, but it's not even worth it. I'm oh so confident until I have and audition and get all modest and unworthy-feeling. I just need to keep my big head at auditions. I have to get a part. If I don't get one in little shop, I'm going to have to find another place where I can get a part and do shows there. fuck now I got started... I was sitting backstage doing nothing as usual. And I was listening to the awful untalented girl who got a part over me on stage, and I couldn't figure out why I continually fail to get parts. I just feel like I know I can do it and I know I can be sooooo much better than those people (especially in this show) who end up with them, but I can't fucking audition. I don't get it. In front of a huge audience I feel amazing. It's the most amazing feeling in the world, and I can do anything, but then I get in front of a few insignificant people and I choke and freeze up, and I don't show them what I can do at all. Then I take the small part they give me, and they're continually impressed with what I do and they love me, but that doesn't help me. I need to get a part so I can blow them away. I'm sick of being impressive. I want to give an audience chills. I want to act. I want a solo. I want lines. I'm so sick of being the really good dancer, the chorus member who stood out because they got really into it. I'm so annoyed with saying "I really want a part," and people responding with "well you need to sing and act for that part," and biting my tongue because I hate being viewed as the dancer, the talentless chorus member. If I want to do this the rest of my life I need to learn how to audition. This is getting ridiculous. I know this is what I want to do, and I know I can do it, but I need to stop fucking up. I need to stop making excuses and I need to start being more cut-throat, because that is how the business works and I will not make it no matter how talented I am if I can't grasp that and execute it at auditions. I'm in such an awkward disposition because all I can do is practice and wait until the next audition, and tough it out for the rest of Fiddler. : / 10 get on the dancefloor with me!

[30 Mar 2004|10:31am] olj'weiuoadfh;gsyutu8i9o3proifugydujka I'M PROCRASTINATING!!!! ds;afjkslihduicwhep9udsc-9p8ihugyvwkefshcjx k;lkmjnsdhgvzxcjgljl zusdhzyzfgvkilwouf;iouasdgyfalcv/sd;ofjxcmqwr435 7 get on the dancefloor with me!

:( [30 Mar 2004|10:30am] I miss Marcelo aka marajuanaface!!!!♥ get on the dancefloor with me!

I <3 Drugs... [30 Mar 2004|10:23am] [ mood | ecstatic ] yay!!!!! I'm so happy!!!! ♥ get on the dancefloor with me!

[29 Mar 2004|04:51pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Rilo Kiley ] I drew an amazingly refreshing conclusion today, and I can't remember what it was. fuck... 4 get on the dancefloor with me!

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